Seths 30 seconds of madness

We here at CCC are sorry, we have fallen behind on the blog. Here is a little present for you if you need a little cray.

Pilgrimage for panties

It was a heated debate, spit landed on my face as Seth spoke, loudly, aggressively, gesturing with a fist and veiny arms. "Not in here, Not up in here!" It was final, there was no way out, we had to see for ourselves. As we boarded the plane I tried to argue my view, "I just dont believe that there are really used panty vending machines in Japan." It was a tight squeeze in the isle but i managed to pull my luggage through, clumsily knocking into the elderly and spilling children's sippy cups. Seth followed closely behind me, really sticking to his beliefs, "Dude, ive seen them.... I will not tolerate this kind of insabordicraytion, not here, not ever. You will see."the fire in his eyes spoke more loudly than his words. The flight was long, they played He's just not that into you. 3 times. Our in flight meal was decent but lacked Cray, and the cocktails were weak. A very large man sat behind me, his stomach rubbed the back of my seat and with every heavy breath i was rocked back and forth, it was comforting and i was able to sleep like a drunk child.

The air seemed different as I stepped onto the Tokyo streets. The sea of people swirling around me was intoxicating, i felt as if i had no control- being swept away with a current so strong and seductive the scent of asian men hunting asian women became an aphrodisiac.

"5 dollars for a star map?" i asked... Seth assured me it was our map to pirate treasure. The woman selling us the old wrinkled scroll winked at me and told me "the dust is only your grandfathers love, his skin and bones, his essence." I was taken aback by this, i thought she might have a mental disorder but then again she was my lover, she was Tokyo. Our Journey was long the Cray Cray started to leak from my skin. My pours opening up for our biological cycle of warming up and cooling down, sweat glistening and hanging from my hair. Her grip dug deep.

Following dotted lines and crudely drawn arrows Seth and I were sent down a rabbit hole. Unable to speak the language, Seth was constantly pissing off the locals by singing "deck the halls" in the style of "A Christmas Story." We were forced to create shivs out of touthbrushes to fight our ways out of deep dark alleys.

Eventually the lines on the map led us to a hotel vending machine, it was the last of many, many that we had tried. In this machine they sold tampons, cheerios, taco bell, engraved pet collars, party balloons, and sex toys. I saw no school girl panties. I was so hungry i put in 3 american dollars to buy a bag of cheerios, only to find out the buttons were switched and i received a small cheap looking set of anal beads. I could not eat these.

In the end I figured the underwear must of been a myth, as i walked on the escalator with my bags, intending on leaving Japan, right as i was tagging my luggage and cussing at this old asian women i saw it. There it was, a group of asian school girls laying on their backs trying on panty after panty after panty. They laughed while they shared clothing, and wrote themselves blank checks. Bikinis in hand, but never wearing them, they danced. Spreading the business mens money around, laughing while throwing dollar bills in the air.

I couldnt take any more of this. I was starving and broke. I went to the hotel stole the basket on the continental breakfast table and made a meal. It became a Sushi role of green beans, jalepeno poppers, black been burritos, scallions and the standard mix. A cat tried to eat my leftovers and i killed it, im BBQ'ing it right now. I will add it in this part of the recipe when i am done.

Giant sushi role of green beans, black bean burritoes, jalapeno poppers, scallions and awesomeness. The cat was tough and chewy, her babies were a little tastier and i was able to coat them in beer batter before frying them. I feel like their meows only add to the flavor, their harmonies came together and became a sort of theme song for me as i paraded around town. I hear it now Meow Meow, meow, and then a shrill squeal as they go through the burger mill.

okay. i did it, i did that thing i wasnt supposed to. im sorry

A trip to the wharf

It was a short while ago that I was day dreaming about surfing on a SwordFish while harvesting potatoes in Wisconsin. I dont take any dreams lightly and this one seemed worth remembering. I documented my dreams quickly on a napkin, folded it neatly and put it inside my "Dreams of the future" box. Some days passed by and those gleeful images of surfing on Franklin (yes i named him) were slowly slipping out the back of my mind. It was almost 2 weeks after my vision, i was talking with Seth, we were discussing normal Cray Cray business when i asked him his plans for his days off. "Think im gonna go diving, maybe fight some sharks, hunt for zombie octopi." "Cool, bring back some Cray Cray." i replied.

That night i got a frantic call, i could barely make what was going on "......Stabbed.....ish......otatoes........les" the words were cutting out, "urfing....fighting.....need...backup.." It was Seth, the last thing i heard before the phone cut out was a shrill death cry "CRAAAYYYYYY CRAAAYYYYYYYY!!!" followed by loud thumping and rough gurgling. I was seriously concerned, I tried to call back, the phone was dead. I had no idea where he was or what was going on... there was nothing i could do.

The weekend came and went, no word from Seth. I had been watching the local news for any stories of death on the coast... nothing. When i went back to the Cray Cray kitchen i didnt know what to expect. As i walked in i could see Seth preparing something with a Cray Cray look in his eye. As i approached him he looked up nervously clutching a knife and making jerking aggressive movements. I stepped back, confused. "Hey Seth, whats up? You okay?" The Cray in his eyes dropped and his muscles relaxed as he slumped over against the table, he started telling a story, his eyes were far away, he looked terrified as he recalled the events that happened that night. I have no idea how to re-explain what he described, it didn't make sense as he told it, yet somehow i knew exactly what he meant. After all was said and done, i stood there. I couldn't move as i looked over at what was on the table. "This was inside the creature?" i asked. He nodded and then looked away, still in shock and denile himself. I walked toward the table cautiously, i could feel every movement in my body, heart pounding, muscles filled with immobilizing adrenaline, i felt weak and alone. i realized then my day dream had actually been a premonition.

After a brief fear induced waking coma, we worked together to bring the items on the table into a cohesive Cray Cray concoction. Everything in this creation came from the belly of the beast that Seth hunted down and fought with little more than a diving dagger. I named the beast Franklin to pay my respects. Our recipe went as follows.

1-lb of Franklin, 27 tatter-tots, a box of Scooby-doo mac and cheese, jalepeno poppers, mozzarella, scallions, and a side of tartar sauce. We baked them all together into a casserole, plated it, paid our respect, and then ate.

RIP Franklin 1992-2009

Crafty Kraft.

Okay, I will just go ahead and admit it. I am embarrassed. Earlier this week we here at Cray Cray Creations were duped, yes duped by the Kraft corporation. I feel like we became too trusting of the world wide conglomerate that makes up Kraft. They must of mixed up their shipment of "Sharp Cheddar" cheese heading for Alabama or Georgia with their shipment of Sharp Cheddar heading for our friendly Fred Meyer stores. Upon starting our standard pre Cray Cray stretches we noticed our "Sharp Cheddar" looked a little like plastic..... Didnt think of it much, kept creating our Grilled Cheese and Friend Rice sandwich. Everything was going splendid, one might say it was a little too splendid. The bread was crisping perfectly, the cheese was melting on cue, the rice was delicious and sizzling on top of our lovely sandwich. I felt at that moment that i might have died and gone Cray Cray. After everything had come into place, egg on top, rice embedded between sheets of melting godliness, and buttery bread crisped to perfection it was time to dig in and Craygasm all over the wall. It was at this point, the place between plate and stomach, the epic battle of fork to mouth, the place where you lose yourself and fall in love with life all over again that I abruptly encountered an intense and unfortunate sensation. When I felt the plastic hit my tongue, the government grade,-brainwashing,-impotence inducing, -mc-double late night menu loving,- flag waving- chemically enhanced,- prostitute cat food,- American Cheese, my hard on for America took a nose dive.

Kraft thought we were stupid. Kraft represented everything that was great about america. Scooby Doo Mac and Cheese, Sponge Bob Square pants Mac and Cheese, string cheese, velveeta, even Digiorno's pizza, everything i loved and believed in now seemed tainted and unholy. I had nothing left to believe in or live for, our Sharp Cheddar cheese turned out to be nothing more than plastic, everlasting American Cheese.

I sent in a formal complaint to Kraft about the false advertising, i expected a apology or a coupon, instead they called the police on me. They claimed i was a terrorist who hates anything American. I luckily had a copy of America has talent on hand and quickly put out those flames.

Long Story short our Cray Cray Creation of the week has been infiltrated and tainted by the evil overlords of the Kraft Co. I cant even finish this blog because i am so upset. please excuse me.

When we were approached by Juan, we had no idea what we were getting into. He seemed innocent enough and always full of energy. We quickly became friends and drank beers, played crocket, and laughed a lot at the fat gringos. We were hanging out at our hotel room, making chimichangas and tamales when a knock came at our door. A man named Sanchez smiled as we opened the door, he quickly made himself at home as he pushed his way into our space. After a minute or two he started talking about the money that we owed him, he also asked us if we had any spare rice for his dog..... When i looked back Juan was gone, a white powder trail going out the window, it all started to make sense. Next thing i know 5 large angry dogs were being introduce to our room and they all looked hungry.... I had no rice. I thought quickly and came up with a plan.... If i could come up with the largest taco in the land there was no way i would suffer the fate that was so apparently rushing upon me. With the help from Boboli, Smart grounds, nascar ranch, Cheetos, Doritos cool ranch, and mozz we quickly became friends with the druglords. Our taco became known as the Big Juan, it weighed over 10 pounds. Double ranch and cheese it became a legend in small towns across Mexico. The local and national cartels began using it as a gesture of good faith when doing large deals, it was dangerously powerful and was almost outlawed. Luckily the locals kept the recipe safe and secret and are resilient in keeping it a sacred secret recipe until the end of time.

dry heave and wet mouth

Chocolate chip Eggo's, Garden Burger, 1/2 pound mozzarella, swiss, tomatoes, fried egg, and a dash of Tapatio. The start of this was harmless. A chocolate chip Eggo sandwich, covered in cheese and topped with an egg. I looked at this and almost thought "Is this Cray Cray enough?" I am glad I didnt say it aloud. Seth was the first to try the Craycoction. At first his face didn't let any hints of the taste bud massacre that was ensuing inside his mouth. "This is wrong." he muttered, and then went on to describe the horror of chocolate eggs with hot sauce and cheese. My hands began to sweat, I had realized what I had done. Matt was next to stand up to the plate. With little hesitation he dug right in, trying to get a piece of everything in the bowl. After a rough swallow it was obvious there was no need for a second helping. Something about this particular Cray must of peaked Arriens interest, maybe it was because it was his birthday, or maybe he just lost his mind temporarily but he took his first ever step into the Cray Cray abyss.... and successfully swallowed it.

After all this, there was no way I couldn't take a bite. I would be humiliated by my own creation. Fork in hand, I slowly sliced a small wedge of Cray, took a deep breath, and plunged it into my mouth. One bite, all I taste is cheese. Two bites, cheese and egg. Three bites, a slight sense of Eggo mixed in. It was on the forth bite when it happened. A chocolate hand grenade erupted in my mouth coating the mozzarella, Garden Burger, egg, and my brain all over Chez Machin's walls. I had never had chocolate eggs before, and I never will again. I couldn't keep chewing, the flavors were confusing and destroying my mind, if I went any further I might have suffered permanent damage. I quickly made my escape, gagging, holding back vomiting along the way. I barely made it in time, with a little dry heave and wet mouth, the Cray was gone........ but the nightmares had just begun.

"Can I get my Cray to go?"

The answer is yes. Over the last couple weeks we have been getting many emails regarding togo Cray Cray. So here it is folks. Due to the high volume of requests, we have created, for you, the public, togo Cray Cray. While I say this with gumption swirled with enthusiasm, I must put out a disclaimer. This is togo Cray Cray, which means some of the Cray is in your hands...... I know, I know, its a scary thought. We will give you the direction, you just have to go there. We make it easy because we love you and think everyone should be able to get Cray Cray on there own schedule. For more information regarding Cray Cray togo or getting Cray in general, drop me a line.

Keep it Cray.